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We need a better solution for the drunken sailor

Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park

Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park in Key Biscayne, Fla. (Photo by Todd DeFeo/The DeFeo Groupe)

I don’t think these options for the drunken sailor are any good.

Scrape the hair off his chest with a hoop-iron razor…

Seriously? That’s ripe for tetanus.

Heave him by the leg in a runnin’ bowline?

Why would you do that?

Pull out the plug and wet him all over…

That’s just gross.

Put him in bed with the captain’s daughter.

I think that’s frowned upon.

“That still doesn’t answer the question of what we do with the drunken sailor,” my wife notes.

“Right, it’s a bunch of options,” I reply. “No real consensus.”

Which, again, begs the question: What should we do with the drunken sailor?

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